Transcript
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Welcome to the Cat and Moose podcast.
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I'm Cat and I'm Moose.
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This is a true life podcast where we explore the quirks of being human.
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Hey Cat, hey Moose, hi, sarah is back.
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Sarah and block colors yes, yes, you look good, sarah, oh thank you your new age looks good on you oh well, thanks, happy birthday.
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I'm much older now, more refined, thank you, yes more refined more refined, as if a diamond refined by fire.
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God's fire.
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Yes, god's fire, yes indeed.
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God's fire the fire of the Holy Spirit, the fire of the saints.
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Hey, anyone have any Thanksgiving drama?
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No, thank God.
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No, really, kat, you didn't have any.
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No, oh, come on, I really don't I mean okay, yes, I do, actually I do Come on.
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So I have two nephews.
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They're both wild and awesome children.
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The youngest one, his name, is Caden, and Caden, over the past several visits to my mom's, has been learning how to play Rummikubes.
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I love that game.
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With an S on the end yes, rummikube, learning how to play rummy cubes.
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I love that with like, with an s.
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Yes, rummy cube.
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Well, I mean, that's what I call it, is it rummy cube?
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I don't know, I call it, I just am adding the s.
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Well, rummy cube.
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So anyway.
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So he's really learning the knack and the rhythm of how to play and like what some strategies are and stuff like that.
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And he's six, so like, so, like.
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It's not, it's not refined like Sarah's diamond by fire in her, her golden age.
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And so um, and so what I'll do is I'll mess with him and it is.
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It's so fun for me Like, for example, if you've got like a black 10, 11, 12, 13,.
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What I would do is I would take if I had like a black 10, I would.
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What I would do is I would take if I had like a black 10.
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I would take my black 10 and put it on top of the black 10 that's already on the board and just wait until he noticed, oh that's, and then he would be like.
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He would be like Andy, do that yeah he's like you can't do that, and so I'd be like what?
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And?
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And so it just really tickled me and so anyway, so when he would play, he's so little and my mom has this beautiful, wonderful round oak table that's been a part of our family for like centuries, you know, and so when it would be his turn to play, he would have to crawl up on top of the table and like crawl to the playing board and play his numbers or whatever, and his parents were like freaking out because like he's climbing all over the table and my mom's, of course, like I don't care, and it was just really cute.
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So, anyway, my mom told me that after I left they stayed for a couple more days, my sister and her family, and my mom said that after I left that when they were playing Rummy Cube together with him, that he was doing the exact same thing, that I was in the exact same way, that I was doing it, and it's like he he wanted to like kind of poke everybody and harass everybody, like Naughty Auntie did, and I just thought that was just cute as shit.
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That is so cute.
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He was following your lead, trying to be funny.
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Yes, so it's drama lead trying to be funny.
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Yes, so it's drama, but it's good drama.
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You know, it's only because most of my family is dead that I don't have Thanksgiving drama, because I've never had a Thanksgiving without drama looking back.
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But so at our Thanksgiving it was me and Sarah and my sister and Sarah's mom, and Sarah's mom's name is Leslie, and I just have to say that because of what I'm about to share, and so I think it was like the first Christmas or Thanksgiving that they had met, maybe like four years ago and this.
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So this isn't a recent drama, but I don't think I've ever shared it, but it's funny enough and far away enough to share.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Enough time has passed it's so, um, they had met before and so there was a little bit of familiarity.
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And my sister's a little bit of a like jokester and she likes to poke at things like I do and um, and so you know, like her, her way of letting people know that she loves them is to kind of pick on them in a funny way.
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Well, I remember we were all standing around like the the middle Island in the kitchen and, um, you know, getting ready to eat or something like that, or maybe we were eating hors d'oeuvre or something like that, and, um, I guess Sarah's mom let out like a sigh or something that suggested whatever was happening Wasn't okay, happening wasn't okay.
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And out of my sister's mouth comes quit, your bitching, leslie.
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Oh wow, and I I turned thinking what is happening right now?
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Yeah, and Sarah's mom didn't quite get that.
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My sister was being playful and I just remember moaning myself and then walking out of the room like what just happened.
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But I think my sister and then she just like threw a chip in her mouth, like you know what you bitching about now and um, anyway, I've wanted to make a t-shirt that says that.
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Since that happened, and and did your sister get like what she was looking for?
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It sounds like it kind of it, kind of yeah, but I don't think she cared.
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I don't think she cares.
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Really, that's what's great about your sister.
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Get like what she was looking for.
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It sounds like it kind of it, kind of yeah, but I don't think she cared.
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I don't think she cares really.
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That's what's great about my sister.
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My sister is the version of me that I want to be like.
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She literally does not care what people think.
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Wow.
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I mean I'm sure that she's had her moments, but she really doesn't.
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You know now that you say that, I would say there's something similar between me and my sister Not the same thing.
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But I'm very worried and very anxious if I set a boundary or if I say no, or if I well, if I set a boundary or I say no, I worry about that, especially when it's within my family, like I'm better and better at it the further out you get.
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You know, I'm like, oh, I can set boundaries, great with these people out here.
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But it's like the closer you get to the inside, the harder it is for me to set boundaries.
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And my sister has absolutely no problem whatsoever setting a boundary.
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Really, yes, that kind of surprises me.
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Yes, like, for example, she'll go to my mom's and she'll say, just so you know, we're going to leave at two o'clock on Sunday, and my mom's like, great, great, you know where?
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if I go to my mom's and I say I'm planning on leaving around two on Sunday, for some reason I feel like you know, like you've always been this way, like I feel, like I've disappointed the whole world and it just is fascinating to me that, like we come from the same parents with the same upbringing, just 4.7 years apart, or whatever it is 4.2 years apart and like she can seta boundary like nobody's business, like how is it that our sisters have got these qualities that we yearn for?
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I don't know, but what are you afraid of?
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we have to coach this no, I don't want to coach this right now are you sure I'm positive, it's really timely, it feels very timely no, don't want to coach this right now, just want to talk about our sisters.
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Okay, I'll let you think about it, I'll let you pray about it.
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Um, I will say I think I'm back, oh good, uh, you want to say anything about what my sister said to your mom?
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No, I I.
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Now that I think about it, I think it is quit your bitch.
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And Leslie, I mean, who's someone which honestly would be a great t-shirt?
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Yes, well, what is the line from Lampoon's Christmas, where it's something Todd everyone's yelling in their cars right now?
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It's something like and why is the carpet all wet Todd?
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Or something like that, I don't remember anyway, yeah, I, I say I will say that I'm not 100% sure, and this is not going to shock anybody who knows me at all.
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I'm not 100% sure that I've ever seen that movie.
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Oh, yeah, that just makes me mad.
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It doesn't shock it, just, I'm just angry like it's literally my favorite movie ever.
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That's not true well, you said that the Truman show was one of your favorite movies and I hadn't seen that either.
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You haven't seen the Truman show?
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Nope, never seen it, like.
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I'm telling you, I mean honestly, like I just feel, like you know some people go to like rehab for 30 days.
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I feel like you need to go to like culture rehab.
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Yes, if there's anybody who knows me well listening to this podcast.
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They are cheering you on right now because I frustrate so many people the absolute blank stare that I have on my face when people bring up culturally relevant things, whether it's current or, you know, three or four decades ago, and it's like I don't know what's wrong with me.
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I don't know what's right with me so much so that I have missed, like major, major asteroids of culture.
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Yeah, yeah, but then there's like a part of you.
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I think you just might be naturally, as we know, a little bit older than me, because there are things that that you grew up with, like the never-ending story I think I grew up with, but also I was like never into.
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So you, you have some.
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It's like there's a certain age that you just quit, though well, maybe so because, like someone said to me the other day, they were gonna blame germany, yeah, yeah I'm gonna blame the 3.7 years for our new listeners germany yeah, you have to go back, yeah, so I I lived in germany.
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My dad was stationed in frankfurt, germany, um between the ages of 9 and 13, between my ages of nine and 13, between my ages of nine and 13, not my dad's Um, and and I blame most of my cultural inadequacies on living in Germany for three years and guys, it was only three years.
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Yeah, but I bet you know the German culture like those were formative years I culture, learning heard like the same four memories it was the beer truck.
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Yeah, yeah, there's a story about a belt.
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Oh my god, nobody cares about this, you guys there was a care flight all the way back to the united states?
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yeah, yeah, that was part.
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Yes, that was a part of it.
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Yeah, okay, are we getting to the United States?
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Yeah, yeah, that was part.
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Yes, that was a part of it.
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Yeah, hey, are we?
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getting to the place where we're just repeating the same, like we're hoping new people have tuned in, Otherwise we were like all right, I could tell you that story.
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I've actually listened to podcasts, but I've listened to podcasts where I have said out loud I already know this story.
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Yeah, me too, Me too, Um, okay, You've mentioned boundaries.
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I wanted to share something that I heard, uh, a wise person named Martha Beck share this week on a coach's call, and um, she was talking about boundaries and also talking about how are we integrous to ourselves, which basically means how do we not abandon ourselves by being our truest selves.
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And so she said it's not until you know what you know, feel what you feel, say what you mean and do what you really want that you will find wholeness Come on Like.
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that deserves a like.
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And then she said that is integrity, and you can't do it when you're dropping your boundaries.
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Wow, yeah, it's so good.
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And then I, right before we started, I always draw a card before the podcast.
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This is my card.
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If you're a patron, you can see it.
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It is a polar bear and it says tell the truth.
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It's out of sarah sidleman's card pack called how good are you willing to let it get?
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And uh, this is what it says be honest with yourself.
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It is the foundation of everything.
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Commit lovingly to a strict, no bullshit policy.
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Did you say what you meant to say?
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Is this crazy how this shit just shows up?
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Are you doing what you said to do?
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If the answer is no, don't judge.
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Be kindly curious.
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Instead, if you've been out of integrity with yourself, ask yourself why.
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Okay, can I?
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just point out that when you said, don't judge, be kindly curious about yourself.
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Both sarah and I had a visceral reaction.
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What did that look like?
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We both went that's really.
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I don't think we can be kind to other people unless we are kind to ourselves.
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I completely disagree, I agree.
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I think you can fake it but, that's exhausting.
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I still disagree.
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Why?
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Because I'm really kind to everybody you are.
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Yeah.
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Are you just doing that for?
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Am I just doing it?
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For what you cracked yourself up?
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That is what almost came out of my mouth for affection connection.
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Oh, yeah, yeah, because this is what, how you believe that I do, you believe that?
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all of my acts are not true.
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A bid I'm really asking.
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You're creating a story.
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Oh my god, the demons are coming out of her eyes.
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Okay, but why are we nice that?
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That is that's my point is why are we nice.
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I guess it is all just for an emotional bit, for connection all right, let's, let's stop.
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I apologize.
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I at least finished and told you what came into my mind.
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I wasn wasn't trying to be an asshole.
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I'm apologizing.
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Okay, rather than apologizing, I would like to say I'm sorry.
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Thank you, you're welcome.
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Okay, here is my question why are we nice?
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Being kind is one thing, but nice feels different to me.
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Yeah, great question.
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Yeah, I think that, like I think that I'll speak for myself, I think that for the most part, dissonance is uncomfortable for me.
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I don't like disharmony, I don't like dissonance, I don't like conflict.
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And the reality is I was just thinking about this this morning, about how I'm thinking about kind of changing my communication style a little bit with one of my clients and I thought about teaching this person a little bit about Chinese five element theory and how, if we can get angry and vent about something and actually have a container for that, instead of just like bursting into, like rantville, if we can say like, okay, we're going to create a container to rant about this thing, that that is indicative of wood energy.
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Wood energy is represented by bursting forth, by by helping.
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It's the energy that helps the dandelion burst up from the earth in the spring.
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You know, it helps the tree grow and the flower grow, and all of that If, if that, if that extreme emotion associated with wood is anger or frustration, what is what happens in the natural cycle of life is that after the anger comes clarity of vision, right.
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And so if we, if we can say, okay, we're going to have a container, we're going to get angry right now.
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We're going to have conflict right now, or we're going to, you know, talk about a difficult thing right now, knowing that on the other side of it, the goal is to have clarity of vision.
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Yeah, that to me feels like productive.
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Yeah, that to me feels like productive.
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Conflict, that to me feels like productive dissonance or discord or whatever.
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And so for me, like I kind of period, so I don't like discord or or discontentment or disharmony, and I also really am learning to see the value in it.
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And so I think the reason that I am nice is I don't want to have conflict, and what I'm realizing is that if I, if I absolve myself of having any conflict, then I might not ever have clarity of vision.
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Right, well, and also I think that goes for any emotion is like if you aren't expressing it, then you're containing it, and that's like a cesspool of dirty water.
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Did you say cesspool?
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Yes, with a cesspool.
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Is it a cesspool?
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It's kind of like with a T or an E-D Cess, cess C-E-S's kind of like with a T or an E-D, cest, cest, c-e-s-t.
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I know it's not a T.
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Yeah, that's how you spell cesspool.
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Oh yeah, it is, you're right.
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You're right, I'm sorry, wow.
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Wait, what the hell is Kat yelling at or laughing at?
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It's kind of like when you made fun of me saying ruby cubes, I'm making fun of you saying cesspool.
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What is it?
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I think it's a cesspool cess.
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What did I say cest?
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Oh, I thought it was cest.
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I mean, it's not spelled that way, but I thought that's how you pronounce it let me show you how I'm going to represent your modeling for me.
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Moose, uh-huh, moose, I'm sorry oh, you don't have to apologize.
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I enjoy that kind of love that feels like love to me.
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Okay, Wait, back to the conflict or the rant.
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I would like to share something.
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My new thing is, if people are going on too long and they're giving me too much backstory not in personal relationships, cause that would not go well, but in work relationships if someone is just hooting and hollering about something that I don't have time for, I get quiet pretty quick.
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If it's on the phone, they generally say are you still there?
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And I go yeah, I'm still here, and then I go.
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Can I ask you something?
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Try to jump in real quick.
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And then I say what ask you something?
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Try and jump in real quick.
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And then I say what do you want to do?
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Because I feel like a lot of rants are not in the action-oriented side of your brain or whatever.
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I don't know the brain science of it, but it's just this somebody hurt my feelings is what it comes down to.
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Yeah, well it and I get, and I think that's why I'm I'm considering a bit of a shift in how I communicate with this particular client, because that's what I tend to do and it doesn't work.
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I go okay okay okay, you're frustrated.
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What do you want to do about it?
00:19:07.718 --> 00:19:20.265
And what I'm learning is that the energy needs to move, and then that's when I feel like my job kicks in and goes okay, you don't get off free to just rant and then peace out.
00:19:20.265 --> 00:19:25.961
Now we're going to go toward what is the action, what is the thing that we are going to do with this thing?
00:19:25.961 --> 00:19:31.338
But if I'm intentional about holding space for the rant time, I can jump in there and rant too.
00:19:31.338 --> 00:19:54.583
I've got plenty to bitch about about what goes on in our work world, you know, and so to me, it's one of those things where I'm thinking of it as maybe something to move the cycle along into doing, because it's like, once you're in that fire element, then you're in, you're like, ah, most authentic, most awesome self and can do, do, do, be, be, be and et cetera, et cetera, you know.
00:19:57.855 --> 00:19:58.998
So I don't know, that's cool.
00:19:58.998 --> 00:20:00.761
Yeah, I really like the wood element thing that you described.
00:20:00.761 --> 00:20:01.262
Thank you, um.
00:20:01.262 --> 00:20:03.528
Can I ask more questions about boundaries, though?
00:20:03.528 --> 00:20:37.817
Yes, what is a boundary that you guys probably couldn't share, but would like to say to people like, for instance, when you were talking about um holding that container for someone, my first thought is for how long, like that was literally my thought and what's interesting is when I was first starting my coaching practice, I you know they always try and get you in tune with yourself so you can find your right price and your right amount of time.
00:20:37.897 --> 00:20:48.178
And you know, some coaches are coaching 45 minutes a session and some are doing an hour and a half, and I know it's the same in your modality as well, and you're supposed to like, sit with yourself and go.
00:20:48.178 --> 00:20:49.981
How long is it's too long?
00:20:49.981 --> 00:20:50.903
What's the right amount?
00:20:50.903 --> 00:21:00.882
All that and it's funny because I I do want to set boundaries with my time is what I would say to that question that I asked you.
00:21:01.143 --> 00:21:03.976
Yeah, well, I love that you answered your own question.
00:21:03.976 --> 00:21:04.959
That's fantastic.
00:21:04.959 --> 00:21:09.276
I think that that is kind of like a form of self coaching, like self therapy, like that's brilliant.
00:21:09.276 --> 00:21:10.576
Yeah, the thing that I would say is respond to my outreach.
00:21:10.576 --> 00:21:15.240
The thing that I would say is respond to my outreach.
00:21:16.161 --> 00:21:25.107
It pisses me off to high heaven when I text someone or email someone or call someone and I get no response.
00:21:25.107 --> 00:21:38.482
I understand, like, if you don't have the answer to my question and I'm guilty of this too there's a friend that sent me a text message last week that I still haven't responded to, and it's something that's super long term.
00:21:38.482 --> 00:21:42.601
So in that, in that regard, I don't feel bad about not responding to that immediately.
00:21:42.601 --> 00:21:52.958
But when I'm like you know, hey, I'd like some feedback about a client that I have a thing about, and it's like there's just no response like that, that really upsets me.
00:21:52.958 --> 00:21:55.526
Or hey, can you do an interview at this time of day?
00:21:55.526 --> 00:21:58.528
And it's just like no response, like that makes me crazy.
00:21:58.528 --> 00:22:10.843
And so I would love to set a boundary, saying, if I reach out to you and and ask you something and or ask you to do something or ask for a response, like, please just do me the dignity of responding back.
00:22:11.964 --> 00:22:21.542
But honestly, like if we go into the whole thing of there's your business, their business and God's business, what is your boundary?
00:22:21.542 --> 00:22:23.167
What?
00:22:23.167 --> 00:22:25.032
I'll go into that later.
00:22:25.032 --> 00:22:26.175
I thought we've talked about that.
00:22:26.175 --> 00:22:27.680
We've talked about that.
