Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:04.650 --> 00:01:40.469
It's the Kat and Moose po I'm Kat and I'm Moose. This is he true life podcast or we expl re the quirks of being human. Ye h, yeah, there we go. Whoo. Okay I saw Bonnie Raitt open for Ja es Taylor like three years ago nd she stole the show I go talk nd talk talking about peop e. Dating for lovers left jus a little too just a lit le something to talk about the at or somethi Something to talk about how slow fade well that's one way to start an episode.
00:01:40.980 --> 00:01:46.049
It's one way to start an episode you remember that time when Sarah said cat you're always on pitch.
00:01:49.170 --> 00:01:50.879
Is that true? What about me?
00:01:51.209 --> 00:01:58.558
When she said that one time she said you whenever you like, you know, like sing a song and I go to like, add it to the podcast.
00:01:58.558 --> 00:02:22.318
Yeah, like you're you're like in the key, which is hilarious, because I can't sing to save my life. Oh, man. I can't really either. Like I can kind of get there to show someone what I mean. But when there's a run or something, it's rough. not cute at all. We haven't seen each other in like 18 years.
00:02:22.319 --> 00:02:42.900
It feels like I know it's been a really really long time. And just like you guys popping up on my screen today like made me want to like rip my shirt. It made me so happy. Like the incredible Hawk. Kind of like that. Yeah, I was really thinking about the Bible thing where you like rip your loincloth and roll around and ashes or something like that?
00:02:44.008 --> 00:02:56.128
Yeah, wow. Wait, you roll your loin and ash isn't like an crusting a piece of meat?
00:02:57.060 --> 00:03:23.250
No, I did all the visual that I have in my head is I have a dude that's like fasting. And he's wearing this like linen like tunic, kind of like Jesus like tunic. And it there's something in the Bible. I think it's in Proverbs about like, if you're fasting, like don't look like you're fasting. And it's like, lest you like rip your cloth and roll around in ashes or something like that. Anybody who studies the Bible has just quit.
00:03:25.530 --> 00:03:31.379
If anyone knows where the loins and ashes verse is, we'd love to hear about it.
00:03:31.889 --> 00:03:36.569
Yeah, I think it's in Proverbs or Ecclesiastes. I love Ecclesiastes.
00:03:36.599 --> 00:03:42.330
I feel like I feel like if if if Ecclesiastes was the enneagram number, it would be a four.
00:03:42.900 --> 00:03:46.560
really see To me it would be like a very wise five.
00:03:47.490 --> 00:04:01.439
Well, that's fine. But also it's sort of like Guess what? life is meaningless. But that has meaning. You know, like only a four. Yeah, would be like, I see it on I feel it all.
00:04:01.500 --> 00:04:15.960
And I also feel nothing and I am not saying what is the meaning we are the most in like, I can never teach enneagram again, which is fine. Actually. Wait, no, that's not fine.
00:04:16.050 --> 00:04:19.560
Can we talk about hot dogs?
00:04:16.050 --> 00:04:19.560
Yeah, well, sure.
00:04:20.129 --> 00:04:37.290
The Titans are playing today. So let's talk about hot dogs. I am really craving a hot dog. What do you have? Okay, I do love like a really great on the grill. Like I don't do not give me a boiled hot dog. I love it. We just went from loins to hot dogs.
00:04:37.319 --> 00:04:48.420
Yeah, yeah, very. Which makes me want to talk about something that I wrote in my notes called the object relations theory, and we'll go there in a minute back to hot dogs.
00:04:48.449 --> 00:04:59.910
Okay, I was gonna say I do have a good hot dog story. Okay, but I love how you really bring in the adult themes like a bee.
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:19.350
mature themes and to the episode I do have a Bernie brown piece at the end that I'll throw in just to make sure that I can stick with the demo of like teenagers but you know like boy like 13 year olds with my hammer, but also go there with the mature wise, you know people like your mom.
00:05:19.439 --> 00:05:32.970
Yeah. Oh, my mom would love hearing that. Thanks for saying that. Okay, back to hot dogs. Okay, first of all, I cannot wait to hear about your vacation. But I just got to throw this in at the beginning.
00:05:33.180 --> 00:05:43.949
I was in Detroit for a work trip for 87 days. It felt like oh man, when you told me how long that trip was. I was like, dude, how are you going to survive?
00:05:44.670 --> 00:06:07.379
I mean, I think it was only five full days to be exact. But um, as much as this was great for convenience. The hotel was literally attached to the airport, so I didn't really leave the airport for like five days. At least you stayed at the boozy Westin at d t. w right?
00:06:02.009 --> 00:07:15.720
Oh, I freaking love it Have you ever before i have i love that hotel. Oh my gosh, they have like that area in the lobby where it's just like reflections pool Yeah, so I love just like working from the side of that which was cool. We were mostly in meetings but there's so many like sub stories of that of that trip and it was actually really fun trip that people are with like made it super fun was a work trip. But one of the days the organization I was with these are my friends that run it. They were like let's really see Detroit a little bit so even though I said go out a lot that was my I know that's gonna surprise our listeners since I'm an agoraphobic person. But one of the things that we did do is we were going to go try the best Coney and the Big D right. Oh, nice. Yeah. And I'm from Cincinnati, you know, and so like, we have the best Coney that ever lived. Well now I thought Cincinnati was known for chili. Well since any chili, but I'm telling you, it's it hands down. It's the best Kony you've ever eaten in your life.
00:07:11.670 --> 00:08:06.300
Alright, so if you know you know, Cincinnati chili has a little bit sweeter. I'm not crazy about the chili part on my own. But you go to goldstar chili and you get that handful of cheddar cheese. I'm talking it's it's got to be a quarter of a pound of cheese. Yeah, on top of a six inch taco or taco. I'm still recovering from my trip. a six inch little hot dog. It's got chili cheese if you want onions on it. It's amazing. So we go to this place it's supposed to be all chili dogs, all counties. And we go in and cat there is like I don't know how to call. I don't know what's called the hot dog is a little bit snappy. So I think it's like boiled.
00:08:06.660 --> 00:08:14.490
Okay, and it's no snappy hang on snappy. What do you mean because you just said a minute ago that you did not want a boiled hot dog.
00:08:14.519 --> 00:08:43.320
That's what I'm saying. I'm talking about the one in Detroit. It's like, I get it just like pop open with hot potted meat. Oh, okay. Yeah, that doesn't sound good. Anyway so but at the end is what really freaked me out I like took a bite of the of the Coney I was in and like the cheese was literally like four shredded pieces like and I'm like you are joke. So I take a bite of it.
00:08:39.179 --> 00:08:46.440
And the end of it had this little weird, twisty hard thing.
00:08:46.860 --> 00:08:48.210
Was it a rat's tail?
00:08:48.450 --> 00:09:01.769
I don't know what it was. But it was like hard. And chewy. I had to pull it out of my mouth. It was like it's like they took as long hotdog and they like snapped it in. Then they went like a machine did it. You know what I mean?
00:09:01.799 --> 00:09:08.820
Yeah, yeah. That's what happens when they say you don't want to know how the sausage is made.
00:09:05.340 --> 00:09:11.279
That's because there are animal parts in the hot dog.
00:09:11.820 --> 00:09:26.159
Okay, I know and I was a vegetarian for many different times. And I may have become one after taking a bite off and have this twisty you know, whatever.
00:09:23.309 --> 00:09:30.000
You know what the texture reminded me of a rat's tail. Oh, stop.
00:09:32.129 --> 00:09:39.090
Do you remember when we were young and the Bologna came with like a piece of plastic around it? Yeah, the red plastic. Yeah.
00:09:39.419 --> 00:09:42.029
And you would like take a bite and be like, Oh, I forgot that.
00:09:42.029 --> 00:09:46.440
I didn't take the plastic off.
00:09:42.029 --> 00:09:46.440
That's what that texture was.
00:09:46.470 --> 00:09:49.440
Yeah, that sounds really consistent with a mouse's tail.
00:09:50.970 --> 00:09:52.440
Have you ever eaten a mouse tail?
00:09:52.500 --> 00:09:57.809
No, no, I mean, I mean, I've had plenty of hot dogs. So probably Oh my God.
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:14.879
So what like other than the disgusting experience at the end of the hot dog? Like was the Kony a good experience? Or was it a bad one? No, I didn't like it. didn't like it.
00:10:09.690 --> 00:10:17.429
Oh, that's a bummer. I just I use a fork, which proves I didn't like it.
00:10:18.328 --> 00:10:21.568
So you just hung out in the Detroit airport for five days.
00:10:22.799 --> 00:10:26.850
Yeah, the meetings are good. I mean, it was fun. It was good people. That's awesome.
00:10:26.879 --> 00:10:39.840
I have a memory of the Detroit airport. I remember. It was the first time that I experienced the airport store called vino volo. Oh, yeah, I remember.
00:10:36.059 --> 00:11:27.509
Yeah. Yeah. It was like one of the first ones was in the Detroit airport. And I remember thinking like, wait, there's a place in the airport where you can do wine tastings, like this is amazing. And I remember doing a wine tasting and I remember being on the phone with a mutual friend of ours. And she was telling me She's like, Nashville is flooded. And I was like, what, like, that's not even possible. And she was like, no cat. Nashville is flooded. And I was like, yeah, I'm watching the news. And that's bullshit. Like, I don't really think that's really going on. And she sent me this video of literally what looked like raging waters, like right in front of her house. And that was the great flood of 2010 I believe it was right Yeah. Is that yeah, that happen? That's the day my house got broken into as well. Man, golly, like I and I remember when I was flying into Nashville out of Detroit.
00:11:27.779 --> 00:11:47.909
And as we were beginning to land I was like, Oh shit, my friend was for real like the interstate. I remember I 24 was just covered in water. That's crazy that you got to see it from an aerial view. It was wild and Bellevue just got the brunt of it. So to downtown Nashville. Yeah, we're all the honky tonks are it was completely like just flooded.
00:11:47.970 --> 00:11:49.019
Just underwater.
00:11:49.019 --> 00:11:54.210
shwarma schermer. Home former home, had to redo the entire Symphony Hall.
00:11:54.360 --> 00:11:55.830
Can you say it correctly skirt?
00:11:55.950 --> 00:12:00.690
shimmer horn. There was a skimmer horn. I don't know. I don't either.
00:12:01.320 --> 00:12:59.909
Let's just call it s horn. s horn for Shawn's amazing shorn, Shawn for short, Okay, tell me about your vacation. Okay, my vacation was awesome. It was way too short. Like it was only five days, four nights. Because I've really like wedged it in between work and school and stuff like that. But I really kind of hit a place several weeks ago where I was like, I have to get away or I'm not going to continue functioning properly. And I and I did I got away I worked a tiny little bit. Just things that were like super hot on fire. But for the most part, I really took some downtime. I took my adult coloring books, I sent you guys a picture and we can put it on our Instagram that I colored that was very intricate with all 100 markers in my new Crayola box. So I really enjoyed that.
00:12:55.200 --> 00:13:15.179
And I enjoyed eating really good seafood. I ate good seafood every day. And I had an experience that I couldn't wait to tell you about news. Oh my gosh, tell me. So I was staying right across from this restaurant called Shunk gully.
00:13:11.490 --> 00:13:41.129
And it's a seafood restaurant that's like kind of right across the street from the water. And I've been there before and I had called in food to go. And I I drove the long way to get there because I had to have a phone conversation with one of your friends who was at your event that you were just at. And so I was like, okay, it's gonna take 20 minutes, so I'll talk to her on the long way to shut golly, and then I'll pick up my food.
00:13:37.139 --> 00:14:20.850
Well, my 20 minute drive ended up being like 40 minutes because I got lost, which I don't know how you get lost on a road that is right by the water. But somehow I did. And I hadn't had anything to drink or anything like that must have been a good conversation. Yeah. Well, it was it was all right. And so. So anyway, so I finally pull up to Shunk goalie, and I go to the bar. And this really attractive dude looks at me, and he's like, hey, and I recognized his voice as being the person who took my order on the phone, and I said, Are you Brandon? And he said, Yeah, I'm Brandon. And I said, I'm Kat, and he goes, Oh, and he like, looked at me like a deer in headlights. And I said, What?
00:14:17.100 --> 00:14:27.240
And he goes, I did not ring in your order. And I'm like, dude, that's okay. Like, I'm on vacation. Like, I'm not in a hurry. So like, just ring it in.
00:14:27.240 --> 00:14:32.190
And, you know, you know how, like, when you make a mistake like that, like you fall all over yourself to try to fix it.
00:14:32.190 --> 00:14:37.110
So he was like, I'm putting 911 on this, like, I'm going to get your order ready really fast.
00:14:35.220 --> 00:14:42.779
And I was like, Dude, it's really fine. And he's like, let me at least give you a drink on the house. Like, what do you want? And I was like, Oh, it's
00:14:42.779 --> 00:15:11.129
30am I'll have a glass of Chardonnay, of course. So, so he gives me a glass of Chardonnay. And he just has the best energy in the world. And he's like, what are you doing down here and you know, just just good conversation. And the next thing you know it, I'm telling you him about the cat and moose podcast. Oh, like he was like, dude, he's like, That's so cool. And I had a cat moose sticker in my wallet. So I gave it to him. And he pointed out and he goes, Is this you?
00:15:11.129 --> 00:15:23.100
And I said, Yes. And it's me and my friend noose like it's so awesome. And so he said, what kind of stuff do you guys talk about? And I said, Well, we talk about all kinds of stuff. It's like the quirks of being human.
00:15:19.350 --> 00:15:28.889
But also like, you know, we talked about like, why the moon looks like it looks and you know, bodywork and therapy, and just all these kinds of things.
00:15:28.889 --> 00:15:38.309
And he's like, no way. Did you see the moon last night and I said, Oh my god, I did it was the harvest man. It's one of those moons where it looks really really huge in the sky.
00:15:39.000 --> 00:15:50.909
And especially over the water, it's really really bad. And so we started talking about that and so then we were talking about what the harvest moon looks like in the southern hemisphere, which last episode, we talked about the hemisphere.
00:15:50.909 --> 00:15:55.679
So it was like, like, Did you tell them that tornadoes go a different way?
00:15:55.710 --> 00:16:50.700
I didn't, I did it. But we talked about how the moon looks different in the different hemispheres. And anyway, he was like, you know, he's like, your podcast. Sounds like it really might be similar to this podcast that I listened to. That's called the metaphysical milkshake. Have you heard of this? No. Okay, so the metaphysical milkshake is a podcast that's hosted by Rainn Wilson and rasa aslin Oh, I love Rainn Wilson. Yeah, so I didn't know who he was because I you know don't watch TV very much and apparently he's Dwight from the office. And so basically what they do is they talk about like, what is the meaning of life like what happens after death like they interviewed Jason Isabel about his music they interview this death doula to talk about like, how do you want to die like you can actually plan how you die and like all of this kind of stuff and miss this podcast is kicking our asses man.
00:16:51.120 --> 00:18:32.278
Well, Rainn Wilson is super famous so it's okay if it's kicking our asses. It can inspire us and that's what I'm saying. We are coming after you rain like we are coming after you you know what we need to do is we need to interview them Yes. And we need to talk about we need to say thank you for inspiring us we're doing something similar. Let us interview you because I mean, this is those are the kinds of interviews that I'm so curious about whether we agree or disagree like you can't ignore that it's fascinating that there's even a person out there that is a death doula we talked about that. And one of our early episodes you brought it to the table and I was like, I'd never heard of that. Yeah, totally. And so this person like talks with them about like, you can choose how you die you can choose like, what your family not what the experience but you get to choose like the environment that your family is in and just all this really neat stuff. So anyway, like I just find it so cool, when we meet another soul on the planet that we immediately connect with and I was so glad that that guy didn't ring in my order until I got there because it gave me a solid 20 minutes to talk to him and he probably made 50 drinks like while we were talking and and he I said, I said you know the moon last night was called the harvest man. And he like pulled his shirt like this. And he had this giant Harvest Moon tattoo on his chest. And I'm like, this is just completely synchronistic amazing. Like, I feel like this person is my best friend. So Brandon, if you are listening, thank you for tuning in. And thank you so much for giving me what was my probably most inspirational conversation while I was on vacation. It was amazing.
00:18:32.700 --> 00:18:37.230
I love that cat would you have handled that differently? If you weren't on vacation?
00:18:37.710 --> 00:18:40.950
I maybe I would have just depending on like, if I was in a hurry.
00:18:40.980 --> 00:19:05.999
Well, I'm not even saying like you're an asshole because you will. I think that is what is so special. Is that somehow God or the universe? Or maybe just the two of you? Were a magnet to one another in that moment? Yep. to basically just go like you're on the right path. You don't? Yeah, it felt like that.
00:19:01.588 --> 00:19:05.999
It felt like something is okay.
00:19:06.209 --> 00:19:19.440
Like something is okay. Like I am meant to have 20 minutes with this person who was a complete stranger and he was so good looking, by the way. I mean, I could barely look at it. It didn't hurt the time right?
00:19:21.028 --> 00:19:40.558
at all. And of course I'm liking my James purse pants and my blade t shirt with like, no makeup on and my hair is all early, like it gets at the beach, but I didn't care and I didn't think he did either. So it was a really a really cool opportunity. And then it was that same night that I captured the image of yin yang in a cloud.
00:19:40.888 --> 00:19:44.098
Oh my gosh, you send that picture to us. That was insane.
00:19:44.128 --> 00:20:51.148
I didn't see it right away. And then Sarah kinda had to show me and I was like, wow, like, isn't it beautiful? This is kind of my point of overall is like, isn't it so beautiful? That when we do pay attention to the point of you saying well, maybe I would have hurrying, like that is why we must rest, you know? Yes, yes, that's what rest is for I had someone share with me at the, at the conference in Detroit that she had a mentor of hers basically say that they told her as much time as we spend to ramp up, you know, say it's like a project we're working on and just the Stress, Stress, Stress Stress, we have to take the same time to ramp down. Oh, and do we ever never Yeah. And so you know, it's why I'm always a proponent of a four day work week. Because I think like, okay, that's about as close as we'll ever get is like, four days, ramping up three days down, like we need that, you know, like, you and I, and Sarah, we all as much as we can.
00:20:47.638 --> 00:21:02.128
And there are times where we just have to have that lunch or whatever, on Fridays, we try to use that as like more of an inspirational like, okay, I can chill out a little bit more, I have less structure around me.
00:21:02.278 --> 00:22:11.759
So that I can think through it's still work, but you know, but I think that's so important to have a day that it doesn't have meetings is my whole point, you know, yeah, yeah. And it's really busted my groove, like, over the past few weeks, like I have had to put stuff on my Fridays. And I really, really feel like that is like, against my religion at this point, you know, and not that I don't work on Fridays, because I do work total. But I typically go to my body work appointment. And that really grounds me and sometimes it really upsets me. I mean, who knows what it does, but but it's like after that I love to have time and space. And in my body work therapist asks me often she said, Do you have time and space to sit with what we talked about or sit with how you felt or whatever it is. And normally I can say yes, in the past few weeks, I've had to say no, and it really reminds me of how important it is to protect that time. So if you have time like that in your life that you know is quiet time that you know is time for you to meditate, or sit and reflect or ride your stationary bicycle Jimmy or whatever it is. Protect that time. It's really important.
00:22:12.328 --> 00:22:49.528
Okay, speaking of having time and space, I wasn't sure I was gonna bring this up, but I was so blown away by it. Um, so while I was gone, my friends, you might know our producer Sarah, decided that I have been so sort of, you know, some of this I've shared on the podcast, but I have been considering having a sabbatical at the end of this year. Yeah. And, you know, I've gone back and forth of is that, you know, a month do I take the whole month of december off? Is it two months?
00:22:49.528 --> 00:23:41.608
Do I take November and December off? You know, and I've, I've talked to several people who've done sabbaticals and just interviewed them just to understand like, what is you know, the right timeframe, and the minimum that people suggest is six weeks. Okay? So that was good for me to know. And they also said recognize because I told him I was doing at the end of the year, they're like, the week of holidays don't count. So you can't you can't say Christmas week or Thanksgiving week is part of your sabbatical because you'll probably have family or whatever in time. And you know, I got a bunch of different ideas of what I want to do and all of this and so, you know, my birthday is coming up on September 30. Everyone who is I just went like this, like, share with Gosh, I I also one of my lives was a fabulous drag queen just so everyone knows.
00:23:41.640 --> 00:23:47.039
Oh, I know we are we talked about that. If you episodes ago, and I believe that that is true.
00:23:47.128 --> 00:24:11.878
I do too. Like I have this lispy man inside of me, and I don't know what else to say. Except That's true. Sorry, I just did this. Anyone who's not a patron$5 um, I just did my hair, like Cher does flipped it behind my shoulder, but instead it was my headphone wire. Here we go.
00:24:06.088 --> 00:24:56.730
Yeah, so September 30. Is my birthday. If anyone wants to send gifts, here's my Venmo I'm kidding. Okay, but um, so I told I told Sarah and you and a couple other people like, I think I want to use the month of September sorry, October to kind of start my slow down. You know what I mean? Like, I'll still be present for my Monday chart meetings and you know, I'll still be there. But knowing that probably November and December, I'm heading out, right, whatever that means, which I want to challenge you to consider do the same, okay. And I know that I'm doing that on a podcast. So pray about it. Just like tell the whole world and now the whole world will challenge me for that man.
00:24:57.088 --> 00:24:59.969
Talk to Jesus about it. I think people can survive without us.
00:24:59.999 --> 00:27:41.578
For six weeks yeah um but anyway all that to say I have been saying since I moved into this house that I want in my office a floor to ceiling bookshelf because books make me feel safe and even though I usually listen to them I do like to look at them sometimes reference things um and also I've been saying I don't have a space and this house and this is just because I haven't created it it's not that it couldn't be created I don't have a space in this house to meditate I don't have a plate space in this house to like go lay on the ground and like get my computer out and just write because I love to write and no joke I came home yesterday and my sweet amazing human Sarah has transformed my office which is gutsy right? Yeah, I have this huge monitors so I can see all my charts every week. Like didn't tell me any of this drove to IKEA and measured everything on my wall and built floor to ceiling shelves on one wall and created a meditation space for me and I I can't tell you I woke up this morning and first place I went with my coffee I just went and laid in the middle of that space all the light coming in my office and I was like I finally feel like this is my space Oh I love that so much news and that is so thoughtful that is real love producer Sarah and I love as you talk about it miss I love the little cracks in your voice yeah it's like I can tell that it like really really moves you it did because like I you guys you know I'm enneagram eight I go to five and those who still are learning enneagram enneagram five is we we find safety inside of our minds you know and and for me it's inside my whole body like I need quiet like I have auditory issues I you know all these different things that for me having a safe quiet space where I'm by myself and right now especially I'm really trying to get healthy physically and emotionally I've been on the emotional and mental path for a while but like I have to get there in my head and in my heart before I can actually go out and get physically where I want to be and I just feel like this is gonna be like a healing room for me Yeah, yeah, I think you're right i think you're right and producer Sarah like how sensitive have you to do that? Can you talk about your process?
00:27:42.509 --> 00:28:24.869
Um, yeah, hold on I need to adjust the volume for myself. She needs to hear more in her ears of herself a little more me I mean me it's like your your sweet voice and you're like almost tears are just like absolutely like squeeze my heart I said to her I was like I feel so loved and so seen you know because like I am very particular you know like I have like a boho angle to what I love but it's also more artsy than just like flowers and crap like and she took it just nice for somebody I mean you to know me so well you know what I mean?
00:28:24.869 --> 00:30:04.229
Like You I mean cat we've had years and years years and Sarah just the few years we've known each other it's like I feel like you took everything in the house that wasn't even in my office and put it in that space and like I just like it was very overwhelming it's very sweet and so sweet. She keeps thanking me for it and saying what it means to her which is the most important thing to me because that was my goal like my process was to go into the room and remove anything that had anything to do with work first I literally just like vacated the room of anything work and work related and and including things on the walls and all I mean that's like she said it was kind of gutsy cuz I'm like should I keep this up here or like you know and I just stacked everything in the hallway and like you know, it's all still very accessible if she wants to put any of it back but I obviously needed the space to build the you know, constructed the pieces too so it was kind of all on purpose but then I'm like I'm just going to clear the space first essentially and put the things that I put in there were the skeleton of the room you know and by building the you know the shelves and then I moved her couch over and kept some stuff in there that felt on point you know for what she was just what she's been talking about, I guess. And so anyway, I did that. And then I put a couple things on the shelves as you saw on the photo that she sent over and just like like she said things that are meaningful to her things that I I don't know I know that are important and mean something to her.
00:30:04.500 --> 00:30:21.058
Well I noticed in that in that photo that you guys sent me I've really appreciated the 11 by 17 portrait of me that was the one that's on the altar.
00:30:14.098 --> 00:30:31.108
Yeah. Another corner of the room we didn't take a picture of the altar cat, but I will. I'll be sure to put that up. Okay, sounds good.
00:30:31.109 --> 00:31:03.990
Well actually in my room, it's behind her. And there is a photo of all three of us up there patrons who are actually looking everything actually get that is a magnet for your refrigerator, guys. Oh, I didn't know that. Cow. So if if anyone ever cares there's I'm always adding things to that and everything. Oh, yeah. This there are things that we've talked about on the countless podcasts that are behind her.
00:31:03.990 --> 00:31:05.670
This is new from Alaska.
00:31:07.108 --> 00:32:14.429
No, I still don't have my my scrubby mitt. Oh, it's back there. Can you see it? See the two eyeballs? Yeah, there it is. Okay, don't let that thing go. Okay, wait, wait, wait, I need to finish the rest of my So anyway, the whole point of that was to remove everything work related and let her put back what feels right into that space, you know, and she's still gonna have to work so there is going to be some work that takes place in there. But the whole point is that the space is a space that has you know, good energy and it it feels inviting and inspiring and creative and not the negative stuff that has been bogging. You know, I guess that I've heard has been bogging you down? Yeah, over the past several months, so And to be honest, and then we can wrap up this emotional section on the Thank you. Um, you know, as an eight I vulnerability is hard for us. And like, with you guys, it's not so much but I don't talk a lot like I I don't, I'm not the person that's like, Can I download this with you?
00:32:11.429 --> 00:32:45.269
Like, I just internalize everything. And so I think a small lesson that I've learned I need to talk Sarah this yet is when I do open up and share it's meaningful because she took what I had what I've shared, which again, I don't talk a bunch like about how I'm feeling but when you know what I have said, this is important to me, this is important to me, it and somebody shows that they heard it, like that's huge. That's huge.
00:32:41.250 --> 00:32:52.799
That's huge. And you said this a moment ago that that you felt known and you felt seen, and that is really really huge.
00:32:48.900 --> 00:33:06.029
That's so awesome. And I'm so excited about your new space and congrats to you, producer Sarah for being so awesome and sensitive. I if I need to proclaim a sabbatical. Maybe I can let you know what some of my hopes and dreams are.
00:33:07.470 --> 00:33:14.160
All you have to do is hang out with me for a little bit so I can pick up on cues but you know, or you can just subtle text.
00:33:16.318 --> 00:33:19.288
Yeah, you can be super direct.
00:33:16.318 --> 00:33:21.808
That's fine, too. The the main request is you just have to leave town for like four days.
00:33:21.929 --> 00:33:23.818
Yeah. There you go. Yeah.
00:33:24.358 --> 00:33:41.609
What was that show where they would like send you on a Disney vacation and fix your house? Oh, man. Yeah, I mean, I would love to be in that business, man. Yeah, you would be so good at it. Well, hey, if anyone's listening all of our listeners if you have a friend that works for ABC, please move that Bob.
00:33:41.638 --> 00:33:49.199
No. Oh, no, I don't want to be on TV. Oh, I want to be in the business of people go out of town and we transform their space.
00:33:49.440 --> 00:34:29.280
Oh, great. No television. All right. Well, we can start that company. We have enough of those. Okay, yeah, I'm great. Just show like behind the scenes content. And you know, yeah, I think it could be like not TV and still be really successful. So I feel like this is a really good segue to something that I wanted to talk about. And I have to be honest, I I have had my mind Absolutely. Both alone. Okay, I can't wait, like blown. Okay. So I told you how my body works therapist recommended this author to me, Alison Bechdel.
00:34:29.460 --> 00:35:19.440
Yeah. And I read her first book called Fun Home. It's a memoir about her dad. And I was very moved by it. Like it was a very powerful story, excuse me, powerful story. Her next book is called Are you my mother? And it's about her relationship with her mom. And it's also about her relationship with therapy and going through therapy. So you know how, like we eat that shit up, you know? Totally, and so and so about a third of the way through the book. She talks about starting to go see this therapist and about four or five weeks in to seeing the therapist she finds herself in the middle of the night, walking through very like dodgy neighborhoods in order to go and just stand in front of her therapists house and just stare at it.
00:35:19.889 --> 00:35:25.289
Oh, mercy is this fictional or autobiographic? It is a memoir.
00:35:25.289 --> 00:35:30.030
So it is like real life stuff.
00:35:25.289 --> 00:35:35.039
And I thought to myself, Oh my gosh, like I my butt cheeks are so tight, right? She's stalking her therapist.
00:35:35.099 --> 00:35:40.500
Is she not stalking her? She's sorry, is that stalking if you're outside of their home?
00:35:40.500 --> 00:35:51.690
And I guess maybe it is. And I thought to myself, Oh my gosh, that is so creepy and so weird.
00:35:45.960 --> 00:36:26.190
And then I had a revelation that during COVID, I went out of my way to go and put my hands on the home on Music Row where I started therapy a couple of years ago, I would literally intentionally drive by the building, knowing nobody was in there. And then I would go and just put my hands on the window sill and Miss I didn't do this once or twice. Like I probably worried right now I did this probably eight or nine times.
00:36:21.599 --> 00:36:40.469
And I thought, oh my god, like I am this person. And so then she starts talking about how, hold on, can we pause for a minute or sure wait till the end? Just rake me over the goals? No, I know this building.
00:36:41.159 --> 00:36:45.449
Because I've been in there. Were you in the front or the back?
00:36:45.869 --> 00:36:50.190
Well, it mostly in the back.
00:36:45.869 --> 00:36:53.130
Because I wish I would have like something to do on Music Row, like my bank is on Music Row.
00:36:53.130 --> 00:37:16.349
And I have to go in and make like physical deposits if I get a check or something. And so I would instead of just making the easy way to the Interstate, I would loop around and go through the alleyway on Music Row until I could you know, see this place, then I would go and I would park my car and I would go just like put my hands on the outside of the building and it like it did something for my soul.
00:37:16.530 --> 00:37:27.269
Well, let me just stop and say it's important to be seen. You have always been this person.
00:37:21.179 --> 00:37:27.389
Hmm. Okay, so that's good. You know?
00:37:28.619 --> 00:37:30.179
I've always been a stalker.
00:37:32.760 --> 00:37:47.519
No, I'm saying that is very much who you've always been. I'm just really super glad as your friend. You weren't on the front side of the building that faces music grow. So this is good. You were in the alley. Okay, keep going.
00:37:47.550 --> 00:38:24.449
Yeah, I was in the alley and you saying that this is who you are is another perfect segue to what I want to talk about is this author becomes really, really interested in reading all kinds of psychological analyses. So it's like everything from David Winnicott, to Freud to I mean, just on and on and on. She reads all this stuff. Very, very intellectual. And she talks about something that Winnicott is known for, potentially like being the inventor of or bringing the theory to life, object relations theory. Are you familiar with this at all?
00:38:24.659 --> 00:38:38.099
I have heard of it. But I am like, I cannot tell you right now what it is. But I have heard the phrase and I'm excited to be reminded, well, it's it's something that and I'm not going to get it right, you don't come here for the facts in the field.
00:38:38.550 --> 00:39:09.389
Everybody like this is just like dipping the toe into the thing that you're interested in. And I have done a lot of reading on it. I read a lot about it on vacation. And basically, like, as an example, when an infant comes out of the womb and is held by the mother, and then eventually the infant breastfeeds with the mother, the infant doesn't know that the mother is a separate entity from itself. It thinks mom is me.
00:39:09.869 --> 00:39:21.210
boob is good. Breast milk. Good for me. I have invented the breast like that's what the baby actually thinks like the baby thinks I've invented this thing that provides sustenance for me.
00:39:21.210 --> 00:39:33.090
And as the child gets older, the child starts to realize like, oh, that thing is attached to a person and that person is a little bit different than me.
00:39:29.730 --> 00:40:59.489
And so basically like in these early years of infancy and even childhood, we basically get like a almost like a blueprint and printed on us. If you think about like animals that get imprinted. It's very similar. We get imprinted on us. Like this is what life is like for you. So if you experience love and kindness and tenderness and all of that, then chances are you're going to expect that in your social relationships as an adult If you experience neglect or you know fear or something like that, then chances are you're going to experience that as an adult. And it's really wow, meaning how important and how significant our earliest years are with whoever our primary caretaker is. And so I started just really diving into this stuff and this author, her experience of therapy, Miss, you have to read this book, I you will, well, you will fall all over yourself, because she does and says things that you and I have both done and said, where it's like, we actually we make up who our therapist is, in our minds, like, we actually don't do a good job of just going like, this is who they are, you know, it's like, we have this imaginative thing that's like, Okay, this is who this person is, to me. And it's something that gets learned in in a very, very young age, and I have just found it wildly fascinating.
00:41:00.119 --> 00:41:28.889
Okay, so it's interesting, because what you're describing is, is what they teach in enneagram. To really and yeah, as far as, like, your first few years, are, you know, basically the most important, you know, based on if you were held, or if you were, you know, fill in the blank. Um, so but Okay, so here's what I took away, though, from what you said, Hold on, I need to think about what it was, oh, the filling in the blanks.
00:41:30.809 --> 00:41:59.070
You know, like, um, it's so interesting, because, I don't know if there's willing to talk about this, you've been talking about, like, hearing other people's stuff that are in the room. Yeah. And, you know, often we categorize that as empaths, you know, that we are like choosing to, like, fill in the blanks, like, what we're talking about sometimes good, where we put them on a pedestal, and we're like, you're my therapist.
00:42:00.750 --> 00:42:25.469
And being able to take that inside of ourselves and be like, I can actually take your wisdom, not personalize it as only so and so. Has this wisdom, righteous, crazy, and honestly, probably a little bit of a deflection and some ways to be like, Oh, well, if I keep going back, that brings more healing, and often it does, but also we have that within ourselves too.
00:42:25.500 --> 00:43:15.179
We totally do. And I think that that's why I'm learning more and more and more that that's why I think the body work side of things is so powerful because like a really good practitioner knows how to hold and create space for my body and my wisdom and in it's like, okay, the things that she has said to me, not 100% of the time, but there's a good percentage of the time that they are they are basically mirroring what I'm saying maybe using different words or something like that, but it's like, okay, like, cat A lot of that wisdoms coming from you. Like that's amazing. And it's just really it's really fascinating to me that there I wouldn't mind trying to say that we that we don't that we don't tap into that own wisdom inside of ourselves.
00:43:15.179 --> 00:43:28.829
Yes, yes. That Yeah, that we need another person to go Hello, McFly. You know, it's like, okay, like, this is right here within me. Like, Why can I not access it without, you know, going through this process?
00:43:28.980 --> 00:43:35.880
I totally agree. It's funny, sir. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. patrons.
00:43:31.289 --> 00:44:44.429
You're welcome. Cheers, bye. I can tell by your energy. You were like peace. Um, uh, um, oh, the word for me that keeps coming up that I think is relevant. And what we're talking about is the word echo. And you know how I think it's so important to your point of meeting Brandon. And then even this book, and then, like, just paying attention, like Mary Oliver said that, that like we can be astonished if we just pay attention, you know, true. And it's like it's such a beautiful thing because though you know, I have always paid attention to when numbers come up, you know, where I've just continued to see the same number lately that's been 1111 like, you know, that's really rare. And everybody says, like, make a wish. Yeah, but lately I'm, am or pm like, every time I look at the clock, it says 1111. And it's interesting because, um, one of the things that back to echo, I feel like, what we need sometimes is the echo of our own hearts, meaning like, that's beautiful.
00:44:44.818 --> 00:45:34.108
You know, like you saying what you say to your therapist, we just need to hear it. We've I think we're so hard on ourselves, that hearing it inside of our own heads or hearts isn't enough. And and maybe that's why you know, Sarah Making that meditation space for me met so much is like that was an echo of what I needed but didn't have you know, um, but anyway all that to say like, you know i'm i'm fangirling on Martha back right now because I'm rereading her books and, you know, very involved in all of her like life coaching stuff that I'm looking at. And one of the things that she talks about that is like one of the five steps of finding your true self is being fascinated. And noticing what fascinates you.
00:45:34.108 --> 00:45:44.400
Oh, man. Oh, man. And I think this ties into branded again, Brandon, this whole friggin episode, we should call the episode Brandon, Brandon at the beach.
00:45:46.590 --> 00:46:00.900
But it's just it's the same idea. I feel like if we do pay attention to what fascinates us, like, that's what Martha Beck says. Which is true to my mind.
00:45:55.739 --> 00:46:10.559
If we, if we pay attention to that, I think our hearts grow towards it. And then we're on the path. The path is before us.
00:46:07.050 --> 00:46:41.489
It's sort of laying itself out in front of us. Yeah, because we're like, you know what? Let me think about starting this podcast. This is Episode 80. By the way, yeah, I noticed that when I titled my file today, I was like, Oh, my gosh, this is our 80th episode. And it's like when we started this, if you go, I actually have chosen never to go back and re listen. But I'm curious, like, if we were to go back and listen, I guarantee you, we are so much more brave now. Oh, yeah.
00:46:41.519 --> 00:47:45.480
No, I think we're I think we're a lot more brave. And at the same time, like there is like a common thread throughout the whole thing. There's, there's like the authenticity of our friendship. There's the importance of self discovery and awareness and becoming self actualized. And, and things like that. And it has certainly evolved. And at least in my opinion, it's gotten even better. Everything from how it sounds to like what we're talking about. And it's one of those things where I was thinking this morning, ironically, when I was going to the bathroom. Yes, thinking this morning, how I was like, I I literally could spend my whole day thinking about how to improve and make the podcast even more amazing. Like it's something that truly does fascinate me, like I'm very, very enthralled by it. And it's like, to me, it's like, why, why then do I relegate as much as, or I should say, only 90 minutes of my week, every week to it?
00:47:45.780 --> 00:47:48.960
Yeah, it's like that, that doesn't make any sense.
00:47:49.588 --> 00:48:33.208
Well, and I was thinking about that, too, because we always anytime we hear something inspiring that is around marketing or promoting podcasting stuff, we kind of text each other, like, let's talk about this. And I think it's sort of like, it's sort of like working out. And I won't even say working out. It's sort of like living a healthy lifestyle. There is something inside of us that for whatever reason, and we can break that down if we want to. sabotage is us to get on our path. And here's the reality once we're on there. I mean, here we were sort of on the shoulder of our path.
00:48:33.268 --> 00:48:34.259
I think so too.
00:48:34.380 --> 00:48:40.409
I think you don't I mean, like we we ride over that white line that like falls off the cliff.
00:48:38.039 --> 00:48:40.409
Yeah, yeah.
00:48:40.440 --> 00:48:51.929
Yes. We're like the three of us are like drinking a bottle of whiskey on the side of the shoulder going, like, you know, kind of going back and forth.
00:48:48.329 --> 00:49:05.278
Smoking some things looking at each other going, are we really gonna do it? Do you guys want to do it? You know what I mean? And then I'm over there going, Hey, how do we get up there? Yeah, exactly.
00:48:58.438 --> 00:49:30.898
Exactly. And it's like I don't know there's you know, and I think we I think the path sometimes takes time. Yeah, intentionally so that we grow to a place that we're ready when we're on there. Yeah, yeah. But man, it's feeling close boo. It is feeling close and it is scary. Like it is really, really scary and it's also really, really inspiring and really fun.
00:49:27.239 --> 00:49:50.128
So if any of you listening out there want to hold intentions or offer positive vibes or pray or whatever it is that you do. We would love some energy from outside of ourselves to help us jump up on that path. That would be really amazing. So thank you for holding intentions for us.
00:49:50.610 --> 00:50:10.230
I had no idea that we were going to be talking about all this but it fits perfectly. Sarah, can you pull up on one of our listeners and someone who works on my team from a business standpoint, Bobby sent me this amazing piece from Bernie Brown.
00:50:10.230 --> 00:50:20.880
And it's just a little clip that I want to play. It's about the tagline says, Bernie brown on the necessity of facing and confronting yourself.
00:50:20.909 --> 00:50:22.079
Hmm. Come on.
00:50:22.800 --> 00:50:34.650
We all grew up and experienced had very varying degrees, trauma, disappointment, how, you know, hard stuff, we armored up.
00:50:36.239 --> 00:52:20.699
And at some point, that armor no longer serves us. And so what I think I would say to that person is how is not talking about this serving you. Like, I've been saying for 23 years. So someone in a would be like, how's that working for you? You know, like, but I probably would put a softer spin on it than that. For black coffee, and a cigarette, but, but I would say that it's not serving anymore. And now the weight of the armor is too heavy. And it's not protecting you. It's keeping you from being seen and known by others. And so essentially, this is the developmental milestone of midlife from late 30s. You know, through probably your 60s, this is the question. Yeah, this is when the universe comes down, and puts her hands on your shoulders and pulls you close and whispers in your ear. I'm not fucking around, you're halfway to debt. The armor is keeping you from growing into the gifts I've given you. That is not without penalty. Time is up. So this is what you see happen to people in midlife. And it's not a crisis. It's a slow, brutal unraveling. And this is where everything that we thought protected us, keeps us from being the partners, the parents, the professionals, the people that we want to be. Holy shit, I can't breathe right now. Oh, oh, feel like we need to listen to that 45 times.
00:52:20.728 --> 00:52:46.440
I mean, I feel like I need to listen to that 45 times that is like somebody just like, audibly depicted my soul. Wow, I know. And she said that is not without penalty. Oh, that is what rang to me is like you, she said from late 30s. To your 60s.
00:52:46.530 --> 00:52:52.289
Okay, so we're about between me and you, cat, Sara, you as well.
00:52:53.070 --> 00:53:18.418
We're anywhere from two to six years deep into this. So why would we make it go longer? If we didn't have to? I don't know. I don't know. And it makes me think like hearing her say that. Like, what went through my mind is I have 14 years. Hmm, I have 14 years before I'm 60.
00:53:20.039 --> 00:53:25.920
Then let's do it and whatever it is, and 14 months to get there.
00:53:26.280 --> 00:53:27.239
Yeah.
00:53:27.778 --> 00:53:58.829
Can I share something please, Sarah. So hearing that it immediately thought made me think of this quote that I had made and framed. And it's always been above my bed or near my bed. And for about a year. I would look at it every single morning and see a new word in it a new phrase, I would just read it every time. And can I read it to you? It's Bernie brown it Yes. If this is a Bernie Brown.
00:53:54.028 --> 00:54:11.309
It's from a an article she wrote years ago. And this. The audio that we just shared is, is that it's exactly this. And it just inspired me and brought me back to about two or three years ago.
00:54:07.798 --> 00:54:18.929
It just got me through such a huge part of my life. And so it's a pretty short thing, but I would like to read it, please.
00:54:15.329 --> 00:55:28.260
So she was talking about that thing. He says, I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hand upon your shoulders, pulls you close and whispers in your ear. I'm not screwing around. It's time. All of this pretending and performing these coping mechanisms that you've developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging. But you're still searching and you're more lost than ever. Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures. ahead of you. You can't live the rest of your life worried about what other people think you were born worthy of love and belonging, courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You were made to live in love with your whole heart It's time to show up and be seen Lord man see more. I mean kid someone just lay me down. Give me some psilocybin and tattoo that on my body so maybe I will not forget it.
00:55:28.679 --> 00:55:33.688
It's crazy. It's so crazy how we still use those mechanisms every day.
00:55:33.960 --> 00:55:51.659
And do you know like what is totally freaking me out right now about all this is the modality of bodywork that I'm studying talks, it focuses very largely on like, dissipating that armoring.
00:55:52.320 --> 00:56:01.139
Yeah, you are on the right track. What is it call to jinshan dough? Oh, it is that's about getting rid of that armor.
00:56:01.170 --> 00:56:17.309
What's not even getting rid of it. It's like kind of breaking through it and allowing like it the it basically is saying it's like okay, like Move aside that armor, just enough to let all the good stuff come in. And that's going to just go away.
00:56:17.579 --> 00:56:27.300
It's just gonna completely, like move along, kind of like what Bernie Brown is saying and what you were just saying from that quote, Sarah, it's like the armor is no longer serving you.
00:56:27.300 --> 00:56:41.909
It's actually really heavy. And it doesn't come without consequence. If you keep carrying it. Like it's right to damage you. It doesn't help you anymore. God, that's amazing.
00:56:41.940 --> 00:57:03.539
I know. Right? And honestly, if it doesn't help you, then it's hurting you when it's causing you to have pains in your chest and pains in your knees and migraines and can't sleep and I mean name a million different things, man. That's beautiful news.
00:56:59.309 --> 00:57:05.579
Thank you so much. Thank you, Sarah. You're welcome.
00:57:05.849 --> 00:57:12.630
Thank you, dude. Dude that like that shits like game changer. Shit, man.
00:57:13.440 --> 00:57:25.530
I'm like I'm truly without words, actually. Yeah. So now the challenge for you is how long will your sabbatical be so you can begin breathing into that space?
00:57:25.619 --> 00:58:11.880
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. And let's reimagine your space if you want the thing that makes me really happy though is that like, I feel like putting the encounter painting the tiger painting and the vitruvian man in my body workspace I feel like I created that space because almost daily now I go down there and I just talked to that guy. Like I just sit there in my chair and and sometimes it's not even out loud. Like sometimes I just sit there and like, kind of think or meditate or pray or whatever. So it's like I have created it and I didn't realize that's what I did until hearing you say all of this but it's like, I'm that's exactly what you've done cat man.
00:58:11.940 --> 00:58:35.969
You're right. My body knew what I needed before my mind did I know you get to be held by the vegetarian man and I'm gonna just take all my books and like, lay in the floor and like swim in them like a, like a giant bathtub full of plastic balls. I love like not just like, you know the kid balls. Oh, God, like the caulk balls.
00:58:36.030 --> 00:58:50.969
I have to say one more thing, guys. It's called the vitruvian man vitruvian vitruvian not venturia I know it's not venture in I think I'm the one that says been sure and you do.
00:58:52.949 --> 00:58:56.489
And I've been saying been true vn so I've added an N in there.
00:58:56.518 --> 00:59:15.688
Yeah, this truvia vitruvian man, is it true? Thanks for that producer Sarah. I'm leaving on a high note man. Special thanks to our producer Sarah Reed.
00:59:16.079 --> 00:59:31.860
To find out more, go to Kat and nurse podcast.com is a BP production
