Transcript
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I'm Kat and I'm Moose this is a true life Podcast where we explore the quirks of being human. In three to blast off Hey, cat Hey, moose.
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Hi. Sorry. I was still blasting off.
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You're whacking off.
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Wow, no, no.
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This fucking internet is delay Sorry, I was whacking off.
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No, no, I was blasting off. You said three to one.
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I gotta teach you what the the what are the Jin? What's less than a millennial now?
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Gen Y Gen Z. Okay, Gen Z.
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So I work with these 20 year olds, with one of my clients and I love them and adore them. And God, it feels like yesterday that I was like that age. But they taught me a new phrase. You know, they were the first to teach me like that you have tea on somebody or spill the tea?
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Which means what cat?
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I have never heard that before.
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Sarah.
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I mean, do you have the 411 like the information on somebody or on something?
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Yeah, it's like it's like when you have the dirt on something like I got some tea to spill.
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Okay. Yeah, so they were the ones who taught me that and now the phrase is so cat saying that you've had like a badass day and you're kicking ass and you're taking names and you're feeling great about yourself? They say that you're popping off.
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No, no. Oh, wow. Yep, not gonna that's something that's not gonna come out of my mouth. Gen z's.
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Didn't us say that it was called a baddie. Oh Abadi is like a badass. Yeah. Ba DD ie Abadi.
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That's where I thought you were going.
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No, that's you. I'm gonna give you this one cat when you're having a day like that. Your body? Yeah, um, Abadi I can I can I mean, I don't feel like super amazing in my body when I say that it doesn't feel it like like I like the sound of I'm a badass a lot better than I'm a baddie. Like I feel like trying to say I'm a baddie is like going down. I look like a surfer. And I'm not a surfer, you know?
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Well, that's because that's what the kids are saying. And we're not the kid. Yeah, yeah. Doesn't feel right doesn't fit.
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Well, that's the thing is like on my team is 340 year olds, 40 Somethings. And when these children cheered each other on by saying we're popping off, we were like, that is not a phrase you want to say, and they let us know that we're crazy. And it's a good thing now. So, you know, keep popping off, guys.
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Well, that sounds amazing. And I would like to say a very hearty congratulations, Moose to you and your team of over 40 year olds, because you guys were part of one of our mutual clients achieving a number one radio single this week.
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Congratulations.
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Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. I have a couple of plaques I need to put on the wall.
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I'm gonna make you another one.
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And if I see it stacked in that hallway, I'm gonna come in there like a baddie, and I'm gonna pop up.
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Oh, that was some good use of popping off, Gary.
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Thank you. I'm an excellent active listener.
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Oh, man. So last week we talked about you mentioned your mom said life is hard. And I reiterated that with my therapist this week. And, you know, I just I looked her dead in the eye and she's not much older than me. And she simply just nodded when I said, Oh my gosh, adulting is so hard. And it keeps getting hard in different ways. You know, because, yes, and your 30s it's just like, Okay, I gotta earn enough money to like, you know, keep my house and then in your 40s It changes a little where, you know, oh my god, it's just, it feels like maybe like the bills are a little more under control. But everything else like the knowing yourself and the you know, going deep and you know, chasing all of your demons and all the things that we have to do in order to become better people and This world that's what happens before you were just answering any email or text. I saw it happen. God bless it.
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I was it was it was extremely urgent. So I'm sorry that I had to I'm dealing with a little bit of drama on this end. Sorry. I can't feel my face when I'm with you. In love, love. Love. Love it.
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I forgot that your face is broken. Oh, yeah, I forgot that you are you have dry socket. Oh, man.
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Look at you have glasses on.
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When you heard one of your eyes.
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I haven't. And I'm still seeing a rock solid two of you, Sarah, which quite lovely. It's quite lovely.
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What if I do this?
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There's like six of you all waving your hands like the goddess Durga. Yeah, I am speaking of being in our 40s I am just a wealth of health trauma, the wealth of wealth. So yeah, my My face hurts. I'm still not seeing quite properly just yet. And I also just took a couple of times because I started taking his Empik again, and I just want to barf all the time. So it's a fantastic season for me. Ah, oh my God. Oh, you mean really? You're back on it a?
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I am. Yeah.
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Good for you. That was one that was a goal, wasn't it?
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Well, it was. Yes, it was. And I'm I'm remembering now how it makes me feel like I don't want to ingest anything. Like I don't want to eat anything. I don't want to drink anything. And which I guess is good. That helps one you know, have more consistent blood sugars and lose weight.
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Well, that's what makes them boast about weight loss, then no one wants to eat a damn thing.
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Yeah, yeah, you don't want to eat well, and that's the thing is all the food. I'm like trying to get it on the black market because you can't even get a hold of it. And then there's like a whole thing with ozempic face those who have lost weight apparently, like their face. They lost it so fast.
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Their face x or something right.
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ozempic face?
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Well, the thing it will Yeah, it's called ozempic face. Are you kidding me?
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I'm not kidding you. And like, it's a real thing. People are saying that. Like, if you're an ozempic baddie, and you're just like rocking the ozempic thing.
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And you're losing weight, that all the sudden you get these things called ozempic wrinkles.
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And I'm like just Newsflash, everybody, if you're 60, or 70 pounds overweight, like yours truly here, and you start rapidly losing weight, like you're going the elasticity in your face is not going to be able to keep up with your weight loss. And so you're going to develop wrinkles. So if you want to blame that on ozempic you can or you can just go hey, my face has been stretched out for the past seven years, and it's having a hard time retaining its elasticity. And I think I can blame that on myself. Medicine ever in these damn wrinkles. Dammit.
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I totally agree. I think that people tell me all the time. I still look so young. And I'm like, Well, yeah, cuz I filled out all I have my own version of Botox that happens, you know, like, I don't really have a whole lot going on unless I'm really smiling. But, you know, I got a little chubby in the face.
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And that's why, what do you mean by that? You don't have a whole lot going on.
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Unless you're smiling.
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I mean, as far as wrinkles go.
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Oh, I see. I see.
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Yeah, but that's because I have a little chub up in here filling Oh, man.
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Yep, this is called Do It Yourself Botox and that's what you do and you're in your 40s Also, the Zoom filter helps.
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Although I gotta tell you guys, I haven't shared this and it's enough time away. I don't think this person listens to the podcast, but I was I was on a zoom and got on and I only had that like, make me look pretty thing on zoom up just like 10% I didn't even have it didn't even know that was a thing. Oh, it's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. If you go Okay, everyone, go to your zoom preferences. And then click on video and then you could go to touch up my appearance. Oh, hell and you can just kind of slide it in and out like this look and look at you cat. It just basically fuck. It makes you a little fuzzier I guess. Yeah. But anyway, I get on the Zoom. I've only got it at 10% and the person on the other end goes wow, that's a filter. I know. Oh, That's so rude.
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What did you do and say, and I was like, I looked good.
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So I didn't need the filter it was from the previous day. And so I'm like, oh, hell, I'll show you what I look like. And I took it off. And she didn't mention it again. And I was like, not cool. We all need the touch up your appearance filter some days. Wow. Yeah. Wow is right.
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Yeah. Yeah. This like, rubs my hair on my tissue together.
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Yeah, maybe Gosh, it rubs the hair on my arms backwards, which really, really bothers me. Like, I just like, This is how I look like, like, I'm not No, I'm just this good looking. So shut up is what I should have said.
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Right. Right. Yeah, that's that's exactly what and we're foolish should is here at the cat and mouse podcast. We want to we're should a podcast. Okay, wait back to all of your ailments as an old lady. I told Sarah the other day, that part of your 40s is simply actually I think from here on out. So 40 to whatever you decide to pass on. From here on out. It is all about talking about your boo boos.
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Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
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I mean, it just is it's like, how are you doing? Well, I had dental work done. And, you know, I still got a little dry socket over here. And I got cotton ball in it. And well, you won't believe you hear so and so's hip went out. Like that is what we have now. Like, Sarah tells me about three times a day about her booboos least once. We've pointed out before that Sarah has a propensity, regardless of her age to want to talk about her boob is so that's that's also a thing. Oh, yes.
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Yeah. It's nice to feel supported, even if you have to beg for it.
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Yeah, I think it's that little kid inside of you that didn't get your boobs bandaged up by anyone? No. Yeah, that's sad.
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I don't do it to everyone. So you guys should feel very privileged. I feel privileged.
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Okay, great.
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I feel really privileged. I'm learning that there are certain people in my life who that share things with me that maybe they don't share with the rest of the world. And I think that in some ways, like, I haven't known that, like, I haven't known, like, Oh, this isn't something you just tell everybody. And if I have known that, like I've had to have it pointed out to me, like, hey, I want you to know, I feel safe with you. And I'm telling you this, and I'm like, Oh, wow. And that's something that like, I think that I've really unintentionally taken for granted. Do you guys feel safe with me? Of course, we feel safe with you. Oh, good.
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Is there something you want to share with us in your safe listeners?
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No. I mean, other than just my ailments, going back to what you were talking about, I just, I've had some pretty in, in one of my therapy, people in the past told me if you minimize your trauma, and compare it to someone else's trauma that doesn't make that other person feel any better.
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Yeah, you know, like, if I say there are starving children in the world, and so I don't have it nearly as bad as they do.
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Because I had an eye surgery, that's messed up my vision, and I had a dental appointment that's messed up my mouth, you know, that doesn't make the person in the third world country feel any better. You know? So it's like, it's kind of like, what is the purpose in doing that? So I'm saying that with the caveat of like, life could be a lot harder. And I'm glad it's not. Yeah. And I've been I've been struggled lesson for a few weeks now. And I'm, yeah, it's a struggle. It's a struggle. And yesterday, I laid out back, I had a few minutes kind of in between phone calls.
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And I just sat in one of my chairs out back, and I laid in the sun and I closed my eyes.
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And I just checked in with each of my internal family systems characters, and I said, what's going on? Like, how are you doing? And everybody was in kind of rare form, like everybody was like, you know, we're having a hard time cat like we're having a really hard time and so what that looks like because I know that's what you're going to ask next because is what did that look like? And I just want to say tax is in his dungeon, his windowless dungeon and he is building a bomb. Oh, tax. Wow.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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I understand how he feels. Yeah.
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What does he need from you?
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Um, he, he he needs to like go on a nature walk and he needs to like, be held in his diaper change. He needs his hair washed. He needs for you to go Oh, to go to go to your boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo. Whoo.
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Oh, love for you.
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Because he's just a little baby.
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Yeah, he's only three, you know. So he he really. And he's, I mean, he's he's like deep pissed. He's like, this is what I go to therapy for in 35 years for pissed, like, yeah, he's having a hard time. So what's he mad about? Does he told you that?
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No, no, I mean, I kind of know because like, it's just like I said, it's been a struggle bus the past few weeks. And so everybody's everybody's a little kind of because of the health stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I get it. I understand. And I'm sorry. It's been so hard. I know, especially with your vision. It's really frustrating. That hasn't been corrected yet.
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Yeah, it's, it's on its way there, man. It's one of those things where like, you don't know, you don't know. And, you know, my doctor has been really straight up with me this whole process, and he's like, he's like, this is going to change your vision. And then it's going to take you four to six weeks to heal. And only then are we going to be able to really address like, correcting your vision after the surgery. So it's not like I'm unaware that this season may or may not have have been a challenge. You know, it's like, I know that. And there's one thing about, like, knowing it, like up here in your noggin, and there's another thing about knowing it in this moment, every second of every day of my waking life. It's like, Ah, this is hard, man. And when people look at me like Sarah, you said, Oh, look, you've got glasses on, like, you don't have a patch on.
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Yeah. And it's like, people look at me and other than, you know, just going like, wow, she might be a little bit overweight.
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Like, you know, it's like other than that, there's nothing wrong with me. Like, there's nothing wrong with me and so. So it but what I see out, is it's definitely a challenge. So I've only been driving the necessary things, unnecessary things to me. I'm sure you can fill in the blank here is church and Bible study and things like that. Yeah, we know ladies group. Did you know? Yeah, well, and doctor's appointments and your appointment? Yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, those are the things and if you need to go to Costco for more wine, right. And if I need to go to body work, and if I need to, like take a class like, you know, there's yeah, there's really necessary though.
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Barry, you're a busy soccer mom.
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Yeah. She is a soccer mom.
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Sarah, welcome home. Thank you.
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Can you tell us at all about your travels and where you've been and what you did and how you're doing and how you are like, I've really been missing you.
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And did you love Texas?
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Yeah. Texas is not high on my list of favorite states.
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You're gonna piss a lot of people off.
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I know. It's a hard thing. I know. I'm gonna be honest, it's not. But I was there for four days. And while I was there, the weather was amazing. Oh, good.
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I've never been in Texas during amazing weather. So that has changed my perspective slightly.
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But yeah, I was out with an artists that I work with. And we did a little run of shows together, I helped tour manage their run of shows. And it was a crazy bunch. And we had a lot of fun. And it was a lot of work.
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And I hadn't really done it in that capacity for well over four years. So I was booked by the end. And, like, worked as in, like, in love or like worked is in like, like, I mean, I really do love the whole crew. But my butt was warped. You're tired. I was tired, man. And cat when you were talking about this perspective, we walk around with and this filter or these lenses we see ourselves through, I totally had some moments of that, because a lot of you know, since I hadn't done this, and over four years I've been I've been in the industry, but just from my desk, you know, and I haven't been really out on the road. Since I was with the last band I was with and I yeah, I was just a different person.
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Four years ago, I had you know, I've grown a little more, I've gone through some stuff or whatever, you know, and, and I had a couple of contrasts come up, if you will, like the last time I did this, I was, you know, with a group of people that maybe I was more emotionally connected to. So it was harder for me to say no to them or like, you know, when one of them rolled their eyes or if anyone complained, it was just like I just felt like I had to fix everything and be the helper to everybody, you know, and I've feel like I've really grown in that area of my life over the last four years and so I'm getting back into another scenario where, you know, these these situations can happen again, it was like a good challenge for me to go like, are you going to fall back into this? Like, okay, I'll say yes to everything and like, totally overwhelmed myself. And I was really, like, carrying a lot, I did take on a lot. And it was just we've learned from that knowing we need to bring other team members out. But I personally and internally didn't take on more than I could handle, you know, and I was able to kind of go, Yes, I need help with that, or I just need, you just, you know, you guys should just give me 10 minutes so I can finish what I'm doing. And then blabbity blah, like, I would not have been able to say that kind of stuff for years ago when I was in this position. And so and also, I had these moments where I would, you know, get up in the morning and I'm like, Oh, my hair looks, you know, greasy, I didn't wash it yesterday, or what is my clothing, you know, and I had just a couple of moments where I saw myself through this, like, Oh, my God, and I realized, if I was walking upon, you know, anyone I come in into interaction with, I don't look at their clothes or their hair. Not gonna talk to you, your hair looks greasy. Like, I would never do that to anyone.
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Why would anyone do that? To me, I just look interested in getting to know you, cat or seeing you and, you know, whatever. And I think that that is probably the general opinion of everybody else, you know, towards me. So it was easy for me to just kind of like, alright, Sarah, no one's looking at your hair, your clothes, they don't care. They care about you.
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And they like you. You're welcome here. Yeah. And so then I was able to just like go on with my day. And so it was cool, like silly little lessons, like really simplistic ones, but they're also really big for me, like big breakthroughs. So huge.
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Yeah. Yeah, those are huge breakthrough, Sarah. And I just want to acknowledge that like, that sounds like a lot of growth. And I was so impressed with you, like consistently impressed with you and your journey and your your willingness and your ability to go like, Okay, I'm gonna keep taking steps forward into my most authentic self and to use the best Sarah and it's really inspirational. So thank you, and thank you for sharing that.
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Thank you. Thanks for asking.
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I love that. You are welcome.
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Hear that phrase?
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Mm hmm. Yeah. Because I walk around so much with the I don't belong here. You know, and so it's like, I'm learning. I'm starting to learn a little bit about these, like, Shadow sides.
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I guess you guys have talked about them before, too. And, you know, it's like, we have that we have these ones that are like, I don't belong, I don't belong.
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But what if I do? What if I'm welcome, you know?
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Mm hmm. Yeah, you are.
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I had a moment. Sara and I were camping with my sister in Indiana, this past weekend. And I had a moment where I was like, unpacking things from the trailer getting them set up and then repacking in the RV. And there was this giant like drivable RV that's like the size of a semi next to us and they were parked the other way. So they could see us out there windows, but we couldn't see and there's and I created this whole dialogue every time I would be bent over like towards their window, like picking stuff up or you know, whatever doing work. I in my mind, there was a husband and wife and they referred to me as fatty. I'm telling this because it's so crazy. And I unpacked it and in my mind even at that moment, but I it ended up making me laugh because it was so insane. But in my mind, like every time I'd bend over, they'd be like, Oh, fatties back at it again. And then I just like, I was like, Okay, this be possible that people are that mean? Like, yes, like we've all met like, college fraternity boys that are mean, it's just mean I'm sure there's some good ones, but I've never met any. So I have experienced is mean people like that. But then I thought like, No, this is like an older couple. They they're not going to behave like that.
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And then I was like, Well, I must think that about myself.
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And then I had to like unpack all of that. I was like, Okay, I I am not this like exactly what Sarah said, I am not this judgmental towards other people.
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How can I just be more loving to where I am? And I'm so it's so hard for me to just be content with where I am not just with my body. But like in general like I'm, you know, Enneagram eights are very future thinking people.
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And I don't know, it's just hard for me just to be like, this is where I'm at. And it's okay today. Yeah, you guys have issues with that acceptance. Its acceptance.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, it's like I think first and foremost and I'm this is probably in some like psychological somewhere, but it's like, I think that like, awareness comes first. And then Acceptance comes, you know, and it's like, for me, in this season of life, I'm going to, I'm going to earmark that by saying in the past like three or four years, that that I have had a lot of new awarenesses. And some of those awarenesses have influenced change. And some of those awarenesses have influenced contentment, you know, to just go like I am where I am, like, I am here right now.
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And it just is what it is, you know, and that's kind of like the, the whole idea of some of the Taoist stuff that I've been reading about is that it's like, okay, it's like, just be content with what is, you know, because whatever it is, is going to change, right? Exactly. Change in some direction or other, that dynamic interplay of opposites, that creates energy, it's like change is gonna happen in being content with what is I mean, that's something that's written about in all the sacred texts is including the Bible, you know, I mean, how many times does the Apostle Paul say, you know, I am not what I want to be, and I want to be what I am, and why do I not do the thing that I want to do, because I don't do the thing that I want to do, because I have a thorn in my side or whatever, you know, and it's like, I don't know, I think that's a I think that's a human, a human thing. And I would like to just pat us all on the back for our awarenesses, and our acceptances, and I'm proud to be on this journey with you guys.
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I have to, you know, until you said that about Paul, that I remember people getting very confused by that whole thing of like I do, the things I don't want to do. And I remember that being sort of fed to me, or it seemed to be fed to me whether it was real or not. As as if he was doing something unrighteous, as compared to what God wanted him to do. And yeah, when you were saying that it actually made me think, what if it's, what if, okay, I'm doing this a real time, like, putting this together? I love it. What, what if that's really about us authentically living from our true self versus the self we put out there? Like, we all have those two sides to ourself, and what if like living righteously?
00:27:23.400 --> 00:27:38.309
And I don't want to put that in quotes. But you know, what if living righteously, or how God wants us to live is living in our true self and not putting on all those armors that we always talk about?
00:27:39.299 --> 00:27:50.549
Yeah, that's, that's really beautiful. And it reminds me of this thing, can I share something that I learned recently in a class? Yeah. Okay.
00:27:44.670 --> 00:29:34.049
So I hope that this translates for our listeners, if it doesn't, Sara, you decide it how good or bad this is. But could you guys each hold up three fingers, a thumb, your first finger and then your middle finger, like kind of like, it's almost looks like a letter K, you see that? Okay, so let's imagine we've got our three fingers held in front of us, let's imagine that there are three plans one is the plane of where our thumb is. Okay? And so this is like the beginning of who we are, this is like, from this moment, right here at the base of all things is like us at conception, okay? And then us moving toward our most authentic self is moving straight up, you know, it's like, you know, a lot of humans say that what we're looking for is we're looking for the divine, or we're looking for the meaning of life, or we're looking for fulfillment or whatever. So whatever that is, is like the most authentic self taking this journey toward whatever is, is even higher than than us okay. And so on that journey, if this juncture right here between the first and second finger trauma happens. So when trauma happens, we take a Divergent Paths up here like up the index finger, so instead of going like straight up in our truest, most authentic self, our whole lives, we're still moving toward that that area, but now this trauma has moved us like in an angular direction, in such a way that our perspective from the truth has now been altered by let's just say this is 30 degrees. Okay. Right.
00:29:34.410 --> 00:29:44.220
Interesting. And so if you put your opposite hand the same way, and you imagine that like, this is Cat hands number one is cat.
00:29:44.460 --> 00:29:47.700
And hand number two is moose.
00:29:44.460 --> 00:29:56.309
Look at the difference between these two perspectives now. No, yeah, the perspective is not just a 30% differential from the truth, but it's now the 60%.
00:29:56.549 --> 00:30:06.930
Yeah, differential from the truth. And so it was really interesting. To me how it's like, wow, it's like things that happen to us in our lives.
00:30:02.369 --> 00:30:51.390
Sometimes, like knock us off of that truest and most authentic self and, and then those of us who are making journeys toward healing and our truest, most authentic self have to really work to kind of close this gap in between what our perceived reality is and what what our authentic truth is. And the fact that we have to do that not only for ourselves, but then we have to hold space for other people to be on the same journey. Like it explains like, why sometimes humans don't get along, you know, perspectives are totally different. Wow, wow. And so much of that is related to our trauma, we make decisions about the way that we operate and behave, to keep us safe, or whatever it is, we're seeking.
00:30:51.630 --> 00:31:25.319
Yeah, and that doesn't mean that we're bad people like, like trauma, it is studied to say that, like, trauma actually begins in the womb, like the fetus is actually like, we've talked about this before on the podcast that, that, you know, it's like, you know, some incoming foreign force, you know, like, if you go try to, like, poke a fetus with like, a little poker, it's like, the fetus is like, oh, like, no, like, I don't, I don't want that. And so trauma begins early on, it's not, it's not something where it's like, you've done all these terrible wrong things, and therefore you are off the path.
00:31:26.069 --> 00:31:28.920
You know, it's like, that's not that's not necessarily true.
00:31:29.069 --> 00:31:37.859
That's like, the demonic Cookie Monster is what I think that voice was, Oh, my God, it is demonic Cookie Monster.
00:31:33.240 --> 00:31:37.859
And I also want your cookies.
00:31:42.480 --> 00:32:21.420
Amazing, I want to share something that I feel like is related to what we're talking about. I'm rereading Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic, one of my absolute favorite books. Oh, that's a great one of the one of the only books I've read as an adult. So it wouldn't be my one of my absolute favorites. But I feel like this, this idea of creativity keeps coming back up in my life. And I was talking to my therapist about what it is that I always say I need when I'm in that zone, and the word that comes up is always space.
00:32:17.910 --> 00:32:46.559
And I'm like, I don't know what I mean by that. I'm not telling the people around me like, I don't want you I need space from you. I'm not saying that. And then I really sat with it. And the best way you can describe it is, you know, even if it's 10 or 15 minutes, it's it's that time where you almost can go to that ketamine place where things feel floaty, and you're just like, not in your functional brain.
00:32:46.650 --> 00:32:49.589
You're in your like, expansive, imaginative brain.
00:32:49.619 --> 00:32:52.980
Yeah, like a little bit like sharing some space with your subconscious.
00:32:53.309 --> 00:35:26.760
Yeah, so maybe that's where that comes from. And honestly, it sometimes feels like I am in space, you know, like, it's just floaty and all of that. But so I've been revisiting this Elizabeth Gilbert book. And there's this, there's this paragraph that I want to share, it talks about this, this poet real key. And she's talking about how, as creative people, often we can lean towards addiction and all these different things. But her final note is, is the point that I want to point out. So she says this, I believe that our creativity grows like sidewalk weeds out of the cracks between our pathologies, not from the pathologies themselves. But so many people think it's the other way around. For this reason, you will often meet artists who deliberately cling to their suffering, their addictions, their fears, their demons, they worry that if they ever let go of all that anguish, their very identities would vanish. And then she says, Think of rookie who famously said, if all my devils are to leave me, I'm afraid my angels will take flight as well. Wow. And then she goes a little bit more into real key, but she ends this with one sentence that just really took my breath away. And I had it highlighted from when I read it before, and it just says people have a strange trust and they're devils indeed. And it got me thinking, you know, and, and, and the thing that I've been thinking and it goes back to what I was describing about living in the moment, it's so easy to go if blank then I would be okay. And whatever. Okay, looks like financially emotionally relationally. And yet, I think that often it's not About this, this like dreaming and wanting and trying to achieve. I don't I think that is something we've created as a culture. I think it's more about opening your fists around the things that our beliefs we have about our lives are ourselves, you know, and I, we talked about that all the time. But I'm learning that is like, I'm trying, I'm such a good soldier.
00:35:26.940 --> 00:35:51.150
You know, I say that all the time in therapy. You know, like, I know, I could do that. But I'm such a good soldier. So I just got to keep going. And I don't think that that that I think that is what capitalism has somewhat created, is this idea of like, we have to corporately just keep showing up and keep achieving and all these things.
00:35:47.369 --> 00:36:17.730
And I'm recognizing, like, actually, maybe the work is less about grasping onto things. And more about letting go of these ideas we have about ourselves, you know, like, I look at the things that I say I hate in my life. And that usually means they exhaust me, it's usually about energy for me. And I just look at those. And I'm like, Where can I find good there?
00:36:13.019 --> 00:36:27.329
Because it's not changing for some reason, even though I'm trying all these things. So how do I love that piece a little bit more. And that is so freaking hard.
00:36:27.690 --> 00:37:58.139
Yeah, that's really, really hard. That's really hard. Thank you for sharing that. Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Big Magic. It was a game changer for me, like, a game changer for me. And one of the things that that I wish I had not taken from it is this little every now and then I have a little shame point of like, that might have been like that, that spirit, or that glimpse of creativity, that idea that's like, floating in the ether. And because I didn't act on it, it left and it went to somebody else. And they're gonna go write a great novel, or they're gonna go draw the ultimate drawing, or they're gonna develop the ultimate business. And it's like, oh, like, and at the same time, there's something in that that's also a positive motivation, where it's like, wait a minute, like, maybe I'm thinking about this. And, and it's, it's come to me from somewhere else in arguably, where that's from, and it's like, I can do something with it. Like, it's here present with me right now. You know, and sometimes being able to do something with those things, requires letting go of other things. And that that kind of makes me think of one of the other things I've learned in this class this weekend, is the teacher shared something, and I'm gonna paraphrase this, but he said, a lot of times we don't change, because the effects of change do not seem like they're going to outweigh the gratification of what we are currently doing.
00:37:58.949 --> 00:38:05.670
Oh, totally. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
00:37:58.949 --> 00:38:16.380
I mean, it's not much different than us being comfy with our demons. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like, we get into bed and we get under our blanket. And we're like, you want to come in here to you want to come on here?
00:38:17.039 --> 00:38:20.699
Because it's warm and comfy.
00:38:17.039 --> 00:38:22.349
Yeah. And yeah, they're sucking our blood as we sleep.
00:38:22.380 --> 00:38:28.050
Wow, that escalated? Yeah. It escalated quickly. We're now in vampire ism.
00:38:30.239 --> 00:39:15.840
Yeah, the change the change in what it requires, is never very gratifying. And the moment in the moment, it's not and it's like for I don't know about you, but for me, I fantasize it and what I what I think about it is I think about, it's me less 50 to 70 pounds, and my arms are beautifully shaped and people are like, what did she do to look that good at her age, you know, and all of a sudden, it's like, I'm like the beaming beacon of health. And when I talk to people about Chinese five element theory, like they can't help but hang on my every word. Because I have full bodied health on every level. You know?
00:39:16.318 --> 00:39:28.858
It's like, brain beacon of health. Sarah, please make that part of the title. I'm begging you. Oh, yes. Okay. i Okay. So let's play this out. Then what?
00:39:25.349 --> 00:39:39.929
So everyone thinks you're the beacon of health and they hang on to every word. Yes. And then what are you going to want to keep getting closer to these people? And closer and closer and closer?
00:39:40.769 --> 00:39:44.280
Not not, it's not about me wanting to get closer to people.
00:39:44.280 --> 00:39:51.750
It's like, I think that like, ultimately, I want to help people. I'm a two, I'm a helper.
00:39:47.909 --> 00:39:54.269
It's like I want to, I want to help as many people as I can.
00:39:51.750 --> 00:40:11.969
And I don't want to do that from an unhealthy place. I want to do that from a place of like I myself am healthy, and you do it. Can't Be healthy. And I feel like in a lot of ways I'm achieving that in it as far as my mental capacities is just like my physical being and making some of those changes.
00:40:08.909 --> 00:40:25.050
It's just leaving on a different timeline. Then Then my psyche, I guess, like, God, me, too. I made Sarah start couch to 5k with me the other day. And I'm not kidding.
00:40:20.789 --> 00:40:48.989
I couldn't walk the next day, like, could not walk. And I deal with this in therapy all the time, where I'm like, I can't just like, go for a walk. I have to like, you know, I need to eat IDX Yeah, plan, I need to put a marathon on the books so that I trained for it. And then then I don't I don't do it. Because it's just too much, you know?
00:40:49.230 --> 00:40:56.670
In did you put a marathon on the books? No. Oh, so the couch to 5k is to this, like ethereal 5k?
00:40:53.070 --> 00:41:05.880
That's not it's, it's to get your ass off the couch. And and so like the first run, you only run eight minutes? A minute at a time?
00:41:05.909 --> 00:41:25.380
Well, it's emitted at a time which Listen, when I started running back in 2014. I, I was younger, I may not have been lighter, but I was younger. And I this body just pounding the pavement is not really what it's looking forward to each day.
00:41:26.219 --> 00:41:31.380
Yeah. And to be honest, we the couch to 5k lasted one day.
00:41:31.739 --> 00:41:37.409
I know. That's my point. Because we were both like beat for four days.
00:41:37.949 --> 00:42:01.829
And it's like, it also kind of makes me wonder like, Okay, if we know that to be true, then is there a possibility to like shift directions a little bit and go, Okay, I'm not gonna do couch to 5k. Today. Today, I'm going to get up and I'm going to do four of the movements. That cat taught me about opening up the energetic flows of the body, like, can we just start there?
00:42:02.159 --> 00:42:44.039
And then like, maybe do that for a day or two or a week? And then it's like, Okay, now, can we do six movements? And then could we do eight? And it doesn't have to be about something that I've brought to the table, but it's like, is there something that is achievable? That is like making one degree change at a time? All the sudden, I feel like you've been talking to my therapist, she did this whole one degree change over time thing today? Whoa, no way. Well, and you did this, like you did that whole thing with your sausages. All I want to say is, yes, it has to be something that you're passionate about. Because for me, I'm passionate about riding my bike.
00:42:44.159 --> 00:42:50.280
But then I make excuses of why I don't ride my bike because I want somebody to come with me.
00:42:47.070 --> 00:42:56.489
And then I'm like, oh, no, I just need to get on my bike and ride for 30 minutes, because that brings me so much joy.
00:42:57.059 --> 00:43:03.809
I love that. I love that. So are you missing a buddy? You missed the bike, buddy? Yeah, you want to come bike with me?
00:43:03.840 --> 00:43:06.840
I mean, I'll come back with you.
00:43:03.840 --> 00:43:27.420
I'm terrified of biking because of my fish in it because I just feel like I'm gonna, like fall all over the place. And I have not wrecked a bike in 10 years, even though I've only gotten onto one like twice. At least the the two times I've gotten on I haven't fallen and so yes, I would love to ride a bike with you. And I bet that there are people listening who would love to ride a bike with you and not require a piece of you to do so.
00:43:27.869 --> 00:44:20.219
Look, we can do a bike club if everyone agrees to just like, shut up and bike be self regulated and not needy. Okay, on for that. Okay. I mean, if you're gonna wreck a bike, this is the bike rack. It's an E bike, you'd be riding Sarah's ebike. And wait, what if I want to come? I've wrecked mine a couple times. But you just feel like a baddie. Come on. Abadi, Come on, buddy, cat when I ride the bike, I have to be reminded to relax because I white knuckle it the whole time and it's like, oh, it's actually okay. Like when your shoulders down. You can just kind of dangle your hands on the bike. instead of grabbing with your lifeforce. Yeah, that's beautiful, Sara, and it makes it more enjoyable. But it takes me about 15 minutes to get there.
00:44:20.280 --> 00:44:23.130
Yeah. I don't know if that helps you feel any better?
00:44:23.159 --> 00:44:28.170
It does. It helps me feel so much better. And mousse, I may come ride a bike with you and not say a damn word to you.
00:44:28.650 --> 00:44:35.699
Okay, I'm down for that. Oh, that's fun. And sometimes we'll put headphones in and just go for a ride and get on the phone.
00:44:35.730 --> 00:44:38.639
Exactly. You can just talk on the phone while you're writing.
00:44:38.760 --> 00:44:57.809
That's great. And this leads me to another thing that I was going to talk about this week and it's very brief. And you just gave a beautiful example of it moves is you said hey, if you're self regulated and not needy, then I welcome you to come and ride a bike with me.
00:44:53.519 --> 00:45:32.130
And this is something that I have really learned from my bodywork practitioner. or it's something that she says a lot, which I think in some ways means I need to hear it a lot is she reminds me often you can ask for what you need. Yeah. And a lot of times people are willing to accommodate that not 100% of the time, every now and you're gonna get somebody who's like, No, I'm not going to give you what you need, and I'm gonna come and be really needy and suck the life out of you and never get invited back to your Bicycle Club, you know, but But oftentimes, I love that we have a Bicycle Club, BYOB.
00:45:32.730 --> 00:45:34.530
Bring your own bike, daddy.
00:45:36.449 --> 00:46:24.570
Hey, guys, I've got a song for this week, Will you allow me, my therapist told me about it. And I forgot how much this song it's, we're talking about Enneagram fours and how how the one thing I love about Enneagram fours is the depth they can go so quickly. And we were talking about floors and all of that, but she was talking about how I kept saying that the in between is really hard for me. And she were talking about how the in between is full of mystery and she was like, You got to find a song that really means a lot to you. And she said for me, it's van Morrison's into the mystic.
00:46:17.190 --> 00:46:35.369
And I went back to I went back to that song and really listened to it and I was like, man, we gotta share this with our listener so I feel like this song sort of encapsulates what we're talking about here today.
00:46:35.519 --> 00:46:36.480
I love that song.
00:46:37.199 --> 00:48:38.550
We were born before the wind feel free to sing along guys also younger than the Sun Barney both was one as we sail into mistake singers cry smell the infield lie to the minister yeah I'll be coming home when that ball going blows oh oh hello bombs special thanks to our producer ceraweek To find out more go to cat and nurse podcast.com.
00:48:48.780 --> 00:48:50.849
Cat news is a BP production
